A Gentle Reminder

When our brain becomes foggy and we need to rest

Rest is important. Deep soul rest is important for us as we continue to follow the calling that our God has given us.

When we neglect our need for rest, weariness creeps in and settles over our shoulders, fatigue becomes our constant companion . Even when we think that we still have the stamina to continue, the weight of everything that fills our day creeps in, clouding our minds and hearts.

We are not infallible or limitless. We need to rest. We need to be reminded to rest.

This reminder came at me like a slap across the face as I was travelling over the past few weeks. I think it would be fair to say that I there was a segment of my trip that I did not play very well, meaning I was travelling for 24 hours straight at one point. Including wait times, transfers and different delays, there was limited chance to get any solid sleep.

The fatigue hit me when I was sitting there on the bus about 18 hours into the trip. Suddenly my mind was racing with all kinds of intrusive thoughts.

Is the bus going in the right direction?…What if I fall asleep and no one tells me when it is my stop? … The conductor was only nice to me because he wants to kidnap me as a part of some terrorism plot… I'm going to miss my stop because they have forgotten about me.

To be clear, this is not like me. I am not typically high strung or paranoid when it comes to travel. I quickly silenced those thoughts as they came up but it didn't matter how well I could reason away the paranoia. Fatigue meant that these anxious thoughts continued to creep in, overriding any balanced reasoning, drowning out my typical grounded approach.

By the time I jumped off the bus and made my way to the ferry terminal, the thoughts had become an incessant chorus I was struggling to silence. I watched a ferry pass by and was convinced that I was stranded, that was the last one for the day and I was stranded there for the night - never mind the ticket in my hand and the collection of fellow passengers waiting together with me.

Seated on the ferry as it chugged towards my island destination, my thoughts took on a different tune.

What if this is going to the wrong island?… Did they even look at my ticket?… What if I just followed with the crowd and I shouldn't be here at all. Is anyone going to tell me? … Do I even belong here?

As the thoughts took a turn towards existential dread, I paused once again to collect myself. This time, pulling out my journal to move my reasoning to a more tangible forum. With the intrusive thoughts written on the page in front of me, I could clearly recognise them for what they were - irrational and even ridiculous.

Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! 
You have given me relief when I was in distress.
Be gracious to me and hear my prayer! - Psalm 4:1 

As the words continued to take shape on the page in front of me, I was able to concretely give the chaos of my mind over to God. With each word etched in ink, I could cast my fears before Him, allowing Him to hold me no matter what I was thinking or where I was going.

But know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself;
the Lord hears when I call to him. - Psalm 4:3 

I couldn't change anything right then. Outside of jumping into the ocean, my situation was out of my control. Further more, if things had gone wrong at some point, it was a part of God's sovereign plan.

I will trust in you. My pen lifted from the page and I softly closed the cover. My back against the bench, w whispering the words to myself again. This quickly turned into an adapted breathing meditation.

Breathe in: My God will keep me safe.

Breathe out: I will trust in him.

Offer right sacrifices,and put your trust in the Lord.
There are many who say, “Who will show us some good?
Lift up the light of your face upon us, O Lord!”  
You have put more joy in my heart
than they have when their grain and wine abound.
In peace I will both lie down and sleep; 
for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. - Psalm 4:5-8 

Breathing deeply and looking out over the waves of the ocean, I found calm and security in the arms of my heavenly Father. No matter what, I was safe with him and my bed for the night wasn't too far away.

It was at this point, that God's generous grace and mercy reached out beyond the peace that I had already found within my mind and a local woman seated on the bench in front of me turned around to start a conversation. Without sharing any of the anxious thoughts, I was quickly reassured that I was definitely in the right place and by the grace of God she lived close to my accomodation and accompanied me as I navigated more local transport toward to the place I would call home for the next few days.

While the mixture of severe sleep deprivation and a foreign country mean that this story is an extreme example of how rest brings peace and clarity, we can pare this back as a reminder for our need to rest when the pressure continues to build or everything remains busy and hard. Fatigue clouds our perspective, leaving us more vulnerable to fear, frustration and anxiety.

A life with God brings us peace and security. Even in the busyness we can take these gentle reminders to slow down and find rest. We are safe and protected by our heavenly Father and we can rest in that security.

Breathe in: My God makes me dwell in safety.

Breathe out: In his arms I will rest in peace